We asked mothers how their social lives had changed since having a baby.
Response: Going out for lunch has replaced romantic evening dates. And now children come too. It’s not relaxing or romantic but ‘we are family’; children grow quickly and we’ll be able to go out in the evening as a couple again when they can cope easily without us (so in about a year or so!). But in a year or so, we might equally be too old and exhausted to face it. Telly, chocolate, baby sleeping/feeding on my lap and pot of tea are a middle aged but perfectly nice way to spend evenings in the meantime! Mara
Response: It’s all gone daytime! Which is tricky when you have to match up work schedules, but fits around small children more easily. I have kept some friendships ‘ticking over’ via Facebook too. I may not be getting up and down the country to see old friends all the time, but at least we can see what each other are up to until the days we’re all more mobile again. Rebecca
Response: One thing is having to explain to people that you are not yet ready to go to events because you do not want to leave your breastfeeding baby/toddler. And explaining that’s fine with you because you don’t feel the need ‘for a break’. Marie
Response: My social life wasn’t as impressive once I hit my thirties as it was in my twenties and so I don’t really miss it too much at all. Now I have my little girl, I have a whole new group of mummy friends that have children of a similar age. I appreciate my life much more now than I did before becoming a mum and I am very lucky to have a fantastic partner who like me loves being a parent. We love spending time as a family and actually don’t enjoy going out without our girl as we miss her too much. Stef
Response: Now it is about going out during the day or meeting up with friends after little one has gone to sleep in the evening. I’ve met up with friends at about 8.30/9pm when all I want to do is join little one in bed! But once I’m there it’s lovely catching up with them. I tend to stay local too in case there is a problem. I also use WhatsApp so keep in touch that way. And it’s easier on WhatsApp as I have groups set up so can talk to friends at once rather than having to message individual ones asking same thing. And if they have children I arrange playdates, although most of those are spent running around children and not catching up! Chhaya
Response: Our weekend social life has moved from evening BBQs and meals with friends to lunchtimes. Personally I love it, we get fun with friends AND a nice chilled evening at home! Vicky
Response: My partner is a lovely dad and every once in a while he goes out with friends (without me) and comes home ‘merry’ and is hungover the next day. I kind of don’t mind but I kind of do. I know it’s good for him to relax and see friends; after all, I do lots of a different sort of socialising during the day while he’s working. But I do find myself resenting it a bit that he has the freedom he has to make that choice, even though I don’t necessarily actually want to do it myself. Rebecca
Response: I’ve found it hard that my husband would still like us to go out in the evenings, but I just don’t want to leave my baby. Sometimes it feels like I’m really pulled between them. There isn’t always enough of me to be mummy, wife and the sociable friend I was before babies! Jess
Response: Now my children are older (youngest is 5) I feel more inclined to go out for an evening with friends. My needs and my children’s’ have changed as we’ve become older. I can’t do more than one evening every few months! And my children are don’t miss me when I do go out. Emma
Response: My social life is now with other families. Predominantly with other mums because of the nature of the average working family. I’m happy to put my adult social life on hold for year or so until my youngest either weans or doesn’t feed to sleep. Daisy
Response: Breastfeeding means I can take baby with me without the need for masses of preparation. Jaime
Edited by Emma Gardner, send your thoughts to Emma at [email protected]
This column was originally published in Breastfeeding Matters issue 209 (Sept/ Oct 2015)
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