We asked mothers what support from their nearest and dearest was most helpful in the early days of a new baby.
- My husband would insist on us going for a nice day out at the weekend with the children and then on the way home he’d take the ‘scenic’ route so that the boys, but more importantly I, got some sleep in the car. It worked every time!
- My mother-in-law came for two weeks after my husband’s paternity leave. In all honesty, I wasn’t sure how it would all turn out, but after a very rocky birthing experience, I needed all the help I could get. She was a real blessing. She cooked, made cups of tea, changed nappies, and generally ‘mothered’ me while I focused on mothering my baby and recovering my strength. When she left, my son and I were real breastfeeding pros. I will always be grateful that she dropped everything to be by my side, and gave me the time and space to get back on my feet.
- My husband kept me company all through the long nights in those first couple of weeks, making tea, drying my tears and helping me pump my engorged breasts to help Sam to latch. He’d then have a nice chat with the milkman at 5am.
- With our older son I really noticed how quickly he had a different relationship with me and his dad. When he was a few weeks old his dad would carry him round and they would look at things together and the baby would wake up and be all alert and interested. Then his dad would hand him back and he’d instantly want milk and go all sleepy again. I was even a bit jealous of him being able to play when he wasn’t interested in that from me. I try and remember that we have different relationships with him and they both have value—especially when the ‘intense need for mother’ gets on top of me.
- Couldn’t have done without my husband in those early days of breastfeeding. It took me a while to perfect the ‘set up’ of having phone, tv remote and drink not only to hand but on the right side!
- As a single Mammy of two, I have to say my Mam was the reason I could continue. She made sure my three year old didn’t feel left out as we all adjusted and so I was able to feed in those very difficult early weeks of weight loss and tongue tie. She pretty much took on the role of father, cooking, cleaning and making sure I was fed and hydrated. Without her I just wouldn’t have been able to do it and at nearly 10 months we’re still going, she’s my rock.
- I really needed our space protected in the early days – everyone wanted to come and meet our new baby the minute we got home. But I just wanted to sit on the sofa in my dressing gown as we took our time to get the hang of breastfeeding and enjoy our family bubble. My wife was great at making sure we weren’t swamped with visitors and spotting when I just wanted them to leave and encouraging their exit!
- My friend was a peer supporter. She took time out of her own busy family life to come and help us work on positioning and attachment, replied to endless text messages, reassured me at the lowest point that things would get better and helped us find answers.
- A friend posted me a new mum’s pack from LLL before my first baby was born. Second time round my LLL facebook group has been amazing, and my local LLL Leaders. It’s amazing who’s awake in the small hours and virtual support is so useful when you can’t do much else during the day. And my mother in law supporting me by telling me that she fed her children till well into toddlerhood, and by always sending me food to eat.
- This may seem like a non-thing but when I was really struggling my husband never once suggested that I stop. He was there for the tears and the tantrums (mine not the baby’s!), the self-doubt and the dread of the next feed but he never suggested I might not succeed or that it was crazy to continue in such a state. I know it was hard for him and he wanted to help and felt he couldn’t but in keeping his own doubts and fears quiet he gave me the best support I could have had.
- My husband has been championing us on from day one and still is doing 25.5 months later. He held me while I fed and when after pains were horrendous he popped painkillers in my mouth while I fed and cried. Even now he tells me every day what a great job I’m doing with our son.
- When I came home from the hospital with my first daughter I was struggling to breastfeed during the night. My sister kept on telling me to bring baby in bed with me to feed her. I eventually listened after two weeks of no sleep and went on to breastfeed and bed share for two years! Something so simple but I believe that that one piece of support was what allowed me to carry on breastfeeding.
Edited by Emma Gardner, send your thoughts to Emma at [email protected]
This column was originally published in Breastfeeding Matters issue 207 (May/ June 2015)
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